blanks & spaces

It is surreal that I am finally finished with my project study. My grade will be no longer an I.P. (In Progress). I hold the bounded copy of my labor of love, checking my name stenciled on the cover. Still, doubt clouded my mind; maybe there is still a catch. But the Graduate school office assured me that all I have to do is to get the graduation program and I will march for the ceremony at the PICC. Thus I will gain a new name, I will be Cherry Lim Rojo, MAT-English. Not my married name, but just as cool.

Now that I am just waiting for my graduation day, there are a lot of blanks and spaces that I should deal with. What is next for me? I am unsure if that still involves my current work now. I have been an EIA for four years this coming August, the longest that I’ve stayed in a company. I enjoyed every minute of it, the kind students, the light workload and the friendly colleagues. Even the drama, tension, imperfections did not blight the rainbow colored world of online teaching. But all good things must come to an end. The next step is to apply as a university instructor while searching for teaching jobs abroad. Honestly, if only things will go my way, I don’t want to leave the country if someone will tell me not to. But I am only a co-writer in my life story. It is not up to me. They say that we have the total control in our lives, that is a lie. We can only have what we need through hardwork and perseverance, but not everything that we want. I realized that we can plan our lives, but there is a higher entity, with way better writing and directing skills than us.

I want to fill up the blanks and spaces because I don’t like what I think while on it. If I am working, or around people, I am more than fine, I am thriving. But with spare moments in my hands, I can’t stop my mind reeling about someone. I asked my sister what does she think about when she has free time to think, and she said she fills it with her work and comic plans. I think that is very productive compare to what I think about. I really, really want to quit thinking about it, it is not easy but I know that I will eventually be able to do it, like my project study, it took time but finally, I have made it.