Until Next Time

I am P3,400 poorer. It was not really a sorry lost. I gambled, and it did not pay off. I was disappointed but what else can I do but to accept it. I will not rant on how unfair it is. I just have to accept it as it is. I really do love my nationality with all my heart, but in times like this, how I wish I have a different passport, so that it will be easier for me. Because I just have all the intention to appreciate the beauty of their country, to submerge myself in their culture and to help boost their tourism industry. But that doesn't count at all.

I think I just have to go to other countries first which doesn't require visa and I have to save more money to have more impressive bank account. For all its' worth, It was an exhilarating experience, completing all the requirements, inquiring others how to do it, dreaming of being on top of 63 Building and the waiting game if it will be granted or not.

Now that I finally know the unfavorable result, I will just have to focus on other things that I have to do. Korea has to wait until I am interested to try again.

Owl Fight

For Real

It was depressing to read the finale of the Hunger Games trilogy, Mockingjay. Darkness, death and destruction had been the constant mood of the book from the beginning to end. The first two books were the same, but it was full of satisfying comic relief, captivating romance and advancement to gain freedom from the capitol. These are the key elements that the third book seemed to miss.

All Out War
Mockingjay is a war novel. The author masterfully wove power players, propaganda, hidden motives and military operations. The ‘propos’ had been a tremendous success that inspired the rebels to revolt against Panem even though odds are not in their favor. I think Katniss had been effective to lead them to victory by being the face of the rebellion. The rebels rallied with her to capture each district and finally take over the Capitol.
But she fell too short in the other factors that resulted to unnecessary setbacks in her twisted mind and the efforts of the rebellion. She was not able to deal with the power players of the war, reducing her to a pawn instead of being more significant. President Coin, Plutarch and Snow are always steps ahead of her. She did not exploit her charm to be the one who will have the reign to control, to decide or to influence on how the war should be executed. She was not able to guess correctly what are their motives, what made them tick. That is why she can’t properly protect her love ones who continuously drops dead like flies.
The decisive moments of the book echoed that she is a hunter and a victor, but never a military tactician. She led her team in a death trap of pods without any strategy on how to survive and prevent losing her comrades. It is as if she is blindfolded and just hoped against hope that they will all make it through until they reach the mansion in the Capitol, which of course did not happen. I have to admit that is my frustration in his book, the fact that Katniss failed in her personal vendetta to assassinate President Snow which she promised since she was still in the arena of the Hunger games and was made as her resolved in the earlier pages of the Mockingjay.

Not Too Literal
I believe in the talent of Suzanne Collins. That is why I think that one should read between the lines to understand the unpleasant and surprising turn of events in her finale book.
I was taken aback when Prim ‘turned into a human torch’. The author did not directly answer who is mastermind of this autocracy. But I believe that President Snow was telling the truth about this. President Coin, became impatient and wants to end the war once and for all, delivered the parachute to the wall of children with double detonated bombs. Prim being there as a medic in the still on-going war puzzled me. Though I am also sure that the bomb that killed Prim was the brainchild of Gale, the reason why they can never be together.
It was also so fast that I almost missed that it was President Coin who was assassinated by Katniss with her deadly bow and arrow. I think that is how she paid all her war crimes. Abandoning the other Districts in the first war against the Capitol when victory was out of hand that led them to the Dark Age. Then striking a deal to be left alone while the other Districts suffered under the vengeful iron fist of the Capitol. She has a lot to pay for, and Katniss made sure she paid it fully with her life. Real changes, healing and progress of Panem will not be achieved under Coin, but rather with Paylor who was the ground battle commander of the rebels to take over the Capitol.
Katniss and Haymitch, agreeing that there should be another Hunger Games after the war with Capitol’s children as tributes is only a fluke and should not be a reason to question their morals. They really do not intend to have another bloodbath, it was just their diversion to President Coin since it was her idea. They decided that was not the moment to openly defy the person who now seats in power.

The Triangle
The third book did not dwell too much about the love triangle that captivated the heart of its’ fans. I personally wished that there were more interaction between the two men and Katniss. But the author decided to make Peeta ‘hijacked’ almost through out the book. Katniss was not as concerned as I want her to be to help him gain his sanity back.
Though it is really hard to expect that much from her since she is also hunted with her own horrors and pain.
What I was satisfied about was Gale. He remained loyal to Katniss, he helped in the war efforts in the rebellion and his ideologies maybe brutal, but it is honest. I don’t buy it that he is already enjoying his ‘fancy job’ in District 2. I think that Gale, whatever position was given to him, he earned it and he will be very good at it. He will be instrumental in the recovery of the war torn Panem and he will be able to help the citizens to forgive and unite to build their lives again. He was broken hearted losing Katniss, but he knows that she will never fully forget about Prim and he has no choice but to let her go to be with Peeta.

Like It Or Not
Over all, I like the book. It gave an unpredictable and realistic conclusion to the Hunger games trilogy. It exceeded my expectations in a way that I should understand the context of the story, the dynamics of war, the vulnerability of humanity, the frailty of life and the gray area of morality before I can fully appreciate the Mockingjay.
I believe that the three books combined was really an achievement to the author. The trilogy is truly special and one of a kind.

Para Sa'yo, Badeth

Badeth, alam ko naaalala mo pa 'nung mga bata pa tayo na masaya ang naging samahan nating magpipinsan. Tuwing hapon lumalabas tayo sa bahay natin sa Marikina at naglalaro sa kalye. Patintero, shato, tumbang preso, magaling ka sa halos lahat ng 'yon kasi malakas ka at mabilis. Hinamon mo pa nga ako 'nun ng takbuhan, pero syempre talo ako. Wala naman talagang makakatapat sa bilis mo.

Dahil sa mga bata tayo, sobrang kakulitan natin 'non. Pero ewan ko ba, ikaw yata ang pinakamakulit. Nariyang naumpog ka sa kanto ng binata, nabagsakan ng cabinet. Sabagay lahat naman tayo ay mga kalampahan sa buhay. Lalo na ko na sumemplang sa bike at ilang araw na hindi maibuka ang bibig. Hindi ka naman naging maramot sa mga pagkain mo at laruan, namimigay ka naman at nagpapahiram. Iyun nga lang, minsan 'di naibabalik sa 'yo. Pasensya ka na ha, kung minsan napapaiyak ka namin nung mga bata pa tayo. Pero sana alam mo na naging masaya ako na naging kalaro kita at kasamang lumaki. Naging kumpleto ang pagiging bata ko dahil sa iyo at sa mga pinsan natin. Sana ikaw rin naging masaya sa piling namin 'non.

Alam ko hindi naging madali sa iyo ang buhay. Andaming nangyari na nakapagpalungkot at nakasakit sa iyo. Alam mo naman ang pamilya natin, hindi rin perpekto. Naging maswerte ka pa rin sa nanay mo na kahit may dinaramdam din, ang pusong ina ay hindi tumigil na mahalin ka. Kami rin, minahal ka namin, wala kaming ginusto kundi mapabuti ang lagay mo, na maging mas maging maganda ang buhay mo.

Siguro hanggang sa dumaan ang panahon, hindi pa rin ako makakapaniwala na nawala ka na sa amin. Ang bilis, nakakalito, nakakalungkot. Nung tumawag sila sa kalagayan mo, nag-alala ako pero hindi naman gaano. Kasi sa pamilya natin marami na rin ang nagkasakit, naospital, pero lahat naman ay nakalagpas. Kaya tiwala ako na malalampasan mo 'yan. Kaya ganun na lang ang gulat ko na ti-next sa 'kin na wala ka na. Paano ka mawawala sa amin? Ang bata mo pa, may dalawa ka pang anak, ang lakas mo at napakamasayahin. Pero ganun na nga ang nangyari, nauna ka na sa amin.

Lagi kong maaalala ang inosente mong ngiti. Ang boses mo, ang kabuuan mo. Mananatili ka sa puso ko, ang mga alaala mo, lagi kong iinagatan. Mahal ka naming lahat, lagi ka naming ipagdarasal. Hindi na kami magiging kasing saya ng tulad ng dati kasi wala ka na, hindi na kami magiging kumpleto pa kahit kelan. Kasama ng paglisan mo ang isang bahagi ng puso namin.

Sana ay nasa mas masaya at mapaya ka ng lugar ngayon, kasama si lolo at si Ate Leonora, at iba pa. Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita, mahal kong pinsan.

Despise Me Not

The Shift

(Mary and I hosting the 'Back-to-School' PM shift activity)

When I was still a newbie in my job, Mary Hazel had been one of my mentors. I remember buddying up with her, listening and observing how she conducts her class. I was really impressed on how she speak and how she conducts her class.
She made on-line teaching seem very easy because of her patience to her student and mastery of teaching on-line.



(Rhon, Mary and I bullying the other kids)


As time passed by, I became closer to her. Most of the time I visit her cubicle to talk with her during our break. I also became close to her best friend, Rhon. We used to eat together in the restaurants around our former office building or maybe in the pantry for dinner time. I think that the three of us click, along with our other colleagues because we talk about fun things, may it be about our officemates or the latest craze in the Internet. We always have good talk over dinner.



(Shot by Rhon; me, Josie and Hazel, posing in Max's for my birthday celebration)

I think that we became even closer, with Josie, when we were appointed as Team Leaders. We can share our problems and concerns with each other. And through the support of each other, it seemed that those are just trivial things, because at the end, we know that we have each other backs.



(Three is a crowd doesn't apply to us. Eating 'girly' ice cream with other office friends at Iceberg's in Metrowalk.)


My fondest time with Mary Hazel was when I shared about the tragic end of my crush. She was just there, listening, sympathizing, and consoling me. I felt stronger when I finally told her about my feelings to him and that he was already unavailable. After that talk over Mc Float and fries, I felt that I had enough being sad and hurt. Looking back I think I recovered fast and easy because she was there with me during those times.

Now, Mary Hazel made a big switch. She wants to spend more time in her church to grow in her faith. So she decided to work in the AM shift, and finally, the management allowed her in an earlier time. We may not work or go home together anymore but I it is okay, because as a friend I will support her all the way, just like how she is to me.

tolerance ≠ acceptance

photo:www.time.com

It had been nine years since the infamous bombing of the Twin Towers in New York. War on Terror had been launched. Invasion in Iraq to disarm their supposed weapons of mass destructions and in Afghanistan to capture the alleged mastermind Osama Bin Laden. But it was revealed that the nation of Sadam Hussein doesn’t possess such artilleries. And until now, Osama had evaded being captured by the joint forces against terror.

The Britain and US led coalition had been withdrawing its’ troops empty handed. The wound that it caused had been deeply rotting. To the family of the 9/11 victim for the perpetrators are yet to face justice. To the Afghans and Iraqis whose countries had been further ravaged by the military operations. And to the Muslims who had been generally wrongly perceived as all extremist.

The outrage about the plan of building a mosque or a Muslim center two blocks away from ground zero had been controversial. It is hard to blame the New Yorkers with their paranoia after the tragic September 11 attack. But in the other hand, this is also a form of suppression of the freedom of religion and discrimination of Muslims.

In my opinion, building a Muslim center is not a yet another stab, but a bandage that would reinforce healing of wounded hearts, betrayed trust and broken spirits. And one is not to be awarded just because he tolerates someone; it is innate to him as a civilized human being. Tolerance is still not as good as acceptance that flows freely from the dam of prejudice to make the world peaceful.

Enlightened

It is easy to imagine how it is to live it up. In the dawn of the Internet, where everyone has a fair share of cyberspace, one can just flaunt his awesome life style as someone who is rich and famous. One can indiscreetly and self-effacingly project the image that we want and share our fab lives to anyone who is willing to waste their time on such frivolities.

In Miguel Syjuco’s Illustrado, he exposed the life style and psyche of the high society in the Philippines. On how they are oddly detached from their motherland but be able to influence or control a number its’ facets. It was difficult for me to sympathize with the hero in the novel, Miguel. It is because I think he is someone who is impossible for me to friends with. He is the typical Illustrado, he is from a rich, influential, political family. He is an heir who jet set all over the world and to study abroad. He is someone who had it easy due to lack of financial constraints. He has unlimited resources and the world, it seems, is like his playground.

But I can relate with him as well. He is someone who doesn’t lose hope for his country. Despite the insurmountable challenges, he is still optimistic that a brighter future will smile upon his countrymen. The only problem is that he doesn’t have a clear idea how he can help to make a change. His body is willing but his will is weak. And I think that is what the author was trying to show us. We can’t just expose the decay that is consuming us, we also have to take action and face it head on. We can’t just criticize our weaknesses, but we really have to improve the core or our morality.

My all time favorite Illustrado of all time is Dr. Jose Rizal. I think he is lucky to have the kind of family that he had. I think that Miguel failed to be the consummate ‘Enlightened One’ because unlike Rizal, his family doesn’t have a strong bond and a clear vision that should have supported him in his quest. The family of Rizal helped him realize and accomplish his mission in life, although it constantly put them in grave danger and gave them sufferings and heartaches.

I know that anyone will pale in comparison to the heroism and bravery of Jose Rizal. He is still the best Illustrado there is. A nation, and its’ people had never been that same after his death. The book of Miguel Syjuco, reminds us that if we are not willing to make real sacrifices, we might die the way Miguel did, who is full of hope, unfulfilled promises and good intentions but fell in the abyss of obscurity and darkness.